‘Aye, I ken see ya’r most unlively this morning by the redness of yer eye, my good friend, by the paleness of yer skin, surely the absinthe from last evenings soiree has taken a toll upon yer frail English body!’ Unsure if he was in jest or not, I replied, politely, ‘Sir, will you do me the honor of entering into my humble abode, for my maidservant is disposed of the moment and I find that I must answers the calling visitor this morning.’ ‘Aye, most cherished, most cherished, certainly my friend, and thank’ee.’ In we came and in taking his coat and staff, I could see the walking pole was capped by a great shining knob, a solid silver rapper atop in the likeness of a woman’s torso, the great mammaries evident yet with little detail upon the nipples or areolae. With these metal penumbratory objects he had been clearly beating small chest sized divots into my solid entry door. I was at a loss as to how to remark to the occurrence, whether it should draw more attention to the possible. Beetlesmith, I’m not sure, but I’m always on the lookout for anything unique and out of the ordinary.’ Beetlesmith began rattling off various items he had in his possession: a first edition Tom Sawyer and Moby Dick signed by the respective authors, various late seventeenth century settees, numerous Grecian and Roman urns, Chinese vases, Italian tapestries, more books, early American colonial and Civil War muskets, bed warmers, swords, cameos, rings and bracelets, and on and on, ad infinitum. All of which I found to be of very little interest. I finally had to stop the antique roll-call, ‘I’m sorry Mr. Beetlesmith, but nothing is really striking my fancy.’ Beetlesmith stopped his inventory and scratched his chin, ‘Well sir, you are a hard sell.’ He paused for a moment as if in thought, then inquired, ‘May I assume that you are a worldly man?’ ‘Worldly?’ ‘Yes, are you given over to…oh, how shall I say it…are you inclined toward excessive ecclesiastical ruminations?’ I almost laughed at.
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